WARNING: Labor/delivery photos & the longest post I’ve ever written. Just want you to know what you’re getting yourself into before it’s too late 🙂
Throughout my pregnancy, several people asked if I was nervous about giving birth. I would always crack a joke about how Lucas was scared about the birth (his fear was real) and I wasn’t, but the truth was I just felt nothing about the impending birth experience. I guess I figured women have been doing this since the beginning of time, and there was nothing I could really do to “get out of it,” so my coping strategy was to deal with the situation when it came and not worry about it beforehand.
By week 32, I started trying to will the baby out. It didn’t work. But I was ready to not be pregnant anymore. My siblings and I were all 2 weeks early, and they say your delivery will most closely resemble your mother’s deliveries (if any), so I was certain this baby would come early. The 38 week mark came and went… no baby. Then the 39 week mark came and went… still no baby. My doctor said we could schedule a date to be induced anytime after 39 weeks so I scheduled one for Tuesday, July 2, three days after my due date (June 29). I was certain I wouldn’t need the appointment because I was set on having this baby in June… but I was wrong.
The Friday before my Tuesday induce date I had my last OB check up. Since I was only dilated 2 cm at that appointment, they asked me to check in at the hospital on Monday night before my scheduled induction Tuesday morning so I could take a medication that would soften my cervix and better prep my body for delivery. Sunday night around 3 am I woke up to the most intense (up until that point) contractions. They were each about a minute long, 5 minutes apart, but only lasted 30-40 minutes (they have to last for over an hour for you to be considered active labor and go to the hospital). Lucas and I both went back to sleep and I didn’t have any other contractions the rest of the day.
That evening, we check in at the hospital at 9 pm, as asked. They gave me half of the tiniest pill I’ve ever seen, and told me to get some sleep. Lucas slept in my room on what looked like a rock hard sofa and my hospital bed, although cool that it electronically sits up and lays down, was anything but comfortable. We both woke up again around 3 am when I started having those same intense contractions as the night before. Except this time they didn’t stop. They just got more intense.
According to my discharge paperwork, my labor didn’t officially start until 4 am but my uterus thinks otherwise.
Some people care a lot about creating the perfect birth plan. As part of my coping strategy, I think I subconsciously decided that if I can’t control everything I don’t care about controlling anything… which is unlike me. I typically like to plan out everything I know I can control. So I didn’t have a birth plan. I had a few birth preferences. I knew I wanted to avoid systemic pain killers. I also wanted to avoid the epidural if I could. For some reason I was more nervous about having an epidural put in than the actual act of birth. An OB told me that laughing gas could be used as a pain maintenance tool and if labor was short enough it could be used the whole time. She did say it wouldn’t remove the pain (like an epidural or other medication) but it would make me not care about the pain. So my ideal preference was to use laughing gas only. I liked the idea of being able to feel what my body was doing without being overcome by excruciating pain.
Once my contractions were in full force I asked for the laughing gas. Lucas jokingly asked the nurse if laughing gas could be shared with the “support team” (just him ha) and she didn’t think it was funny. Her immediate look of “Oh, no. Now I have to keep an eye out for this guy.” was priceless. Lucas has used laughing gas several times at dentist appointments and he says it’s the best. I had never used laughing gas before so I didn’t know how I would respond to it. At first it seemed like it helped. Then I realized the few contractions I had with it were just small so I naturally didn’t care about the pain as much. After ten minutes the gas made me super dizzy and nauseous, and bigger contractions came that I not only felt but strongly cared about (unlike my expectations). My dream preference was quickly shattered. I made it through a few more rounds of contractions then asked for an epidural.
Something they don’t tell you about epidurals, is that once you ask for one, you have to wait for the specialist person to come by and give it to you. I should have asked for one sooner. The epidural guy arrived around 6:30 am. They said the insertion should only take about 10 minutes but he took around 30… I’m pretty sure lidocaine doesn’t work on me because they give you a shot of it to numb the area on your back before inserting the bigger needle (that has a tube inside of it) and I definitely felt the whole shebang. All my fears about having the epidural put in came true. The process by itself was painful and they kept asked me to hold really still while my body was going through excruciating contractions – which is super hard to do and generally stressful to attempt! Then once the line was in the right half of my body went 100% numb (couldn’t move or feel literally anything from my ribs down to my toes) and the left half of me had 0% relief. The epidural guy said, “I think we’re going to have to redo it.” NO WAY. I felt like he was kind of rough (and ill-mannered if we’re being extra honest) the first time and I was not about to go through it again. He adjusted the line a little, had me lay on my left side so gravity would help the medication spread, and eventually the numbing evened out to more of a 60/40 (right/left).
Side note: Lucas and I thought all of the nurses and doctors at Meridian Park were incredible! Seriously, they were all so efficient, kind, attentive, easy going, and made the experience go smoothly. The only medical staff we encountered who we didn’t care for were two of the three men (both needle folks) that came by.
Lucas said whenever anyone asked how I was doing (post epidural working) my response was, “I’m just so happy.” The relief from the relentless, unbelievably intense contractions gave me a weird high I’ve never experienced before. We had also been up since the middle of the night so I was exhausted and relieved. Luckily Lucas and I were both able to nap for a bit once the pain was managed.
I didn’t expect that I would love having a catheter but I did. Before the epidural, I had to pee every 20 minutes (so if felt) but getting on and off the hospital bed/toilet was difficult and painful especial mid contractions. Once I got the epidural, and catheter, it felt like all my worries temporarily went away.
Around 9 am I felt something happen but wasn’t sure what it was. I asked Lucas, “I think my water just broke. Can you please check for me?” He checked and made a funny face. MB – “Did it happen??” LB – “Yes.” MB – “Is it gross??” LB – “Yes.” Haha
We called in the nurse to tell them about the new development. After a while the OB came in (about 11 am) and checked my cervix. I had dilated 5 cm but she said the water didn’t break completely so she broke the rest of it for me with what looked like a long, skinny crochet hook. I couldn’t feel my uterus contracting but I could feel the rush of water coming out. So weird.
Once it was clear my body was progressing more quickly, Lucas said “I need to put on my dad clothes.” 🙂 He was wearing sweats when we arrived because we were originally sleeping – or trying to.
They say you get to a point during the birth where your body feels a strong urge to push. I never felt that physically, but I definitely felt the urge mentally. My body felt like it was pushing on its own whether I wanted it to or not. By 3 pm I had become “complete” (dilated 10 cm) as the nurses called it. I was asked not to push yet because all the doctors were busy. At about 4 pm the nurse came in and had me start pushing. We had to take a short break because the doctor was pulled into an emergency cesarian, then got back to it. When they asked me to stop pushing I thought “well I can stop pushing but I can’t stop by body from pushing… so I hope the doctors hurry up or he might come out before they get back!”
Although being asked to wait sounds like it would be annoying, I was grateful that the labor process was slowed down a bit so my body could have more time to stretch. If baby had come super fast or I pushed too hard too quickly without stopping, I for sure would have torn really bad. More on that later.
When I first tried to push, I couldn’t figure out where to place my pushing energy. That sounds awkward, but when you can feel everything in your body except the muscles you need to use to push, it is confusing where to focus your pushing effort. Thanks to a little coaching from Lucas, I eventually figured it out. The nurse told me to “breath in then push.” So I took a breath in, let it out, then pushed. In my defense she never told me to hold my breath… After the first round of pushing Lucas said, “When you push it doesn’t look like you’re doing anything.” Ha! That sounds incredibly rude but he said it kindly, I wasn’t offended, and I honestly needed to hear it because I wasn’t pushing correctly so I wasn’t making any progress. Lucas then pointed out that it would help if I held my breath and used it to push against. He was right. Thanks, coach : )
The nurse asked if I wanted to have a mirror put at the end of the bed. I said yes because I was interested in seeing what was happening, but after a few sets of pushing the doctor came in and sat in front of the mirror so it became useless quickly. I was pretty focused on pushing (with my eyes closed) by that point so I didn’t care about the mirror anymore.
I don’t think I know anyone who has delivered a baby without tearing or being cut, so although I was dreading that happening to me I knew it was highly unlikely I could avoid it. In my OB visits they said the only thing I could do to help prevent tearing was to use oil to stretch my skin. I did as they recommended but it still wasn’t enough. Baby boy’s head was in the birth canal for a long time because his head was too big to fit. The doctor said, “We need to do an episiotomy so we can get him out faster and so you don’t tear.” I asked it I could push a few more times, she allowed it, but he didn’t move. By this time my epidural had worn down quite a bit so I could feel the doctor pressing on my skin around the baby’s head. It was unbelievably tight and felt like it was going to rip any minute. I tried so hard to avoid it but eventually let the doctor make the cut.
As soon as the doctor made the cut baby came right out and so did a title wave of fluid. They immediately placed the baby on a towel on my chest and cleaned him up while the doctor stitched up the cut and a few small tears. It was amazing to see how fast the nurses got the baby (and the entire room) cleaned up. During clean up, the staff was giggling at how much fluid there was in the bag (a bag that hangs on the end of the bed to catch everything). They said I had twice as much as normal. That’s why my belly was so big! I had an 8.5+ pound baby and an excessive amount of fluid in there!
Tennyson Rogue Brook • July 2, 2019 • 6:27 PM • 8 lbs 10 oz • 21 in
Once the baby was cleaned up, Lucas cut the umbilical cord and they laid him on my chest to warm up. It was strange to look at this beautiful little person and know he used to be inside of me. It kind of felt like an arranged marriage where you don’t see your spouse until the wedding day. All of a sudden there he was! This person I’ve never seen or met before. And now we’ll be together forever. A surreal experience that I still (2 months later) can’t wrap my mind around.
I’ve never been an emotional person, but… pregnancy and now delivery/postpartum has brought it out of me. I ugly cried (see photo evidence) so hard when baby boy was born. I couldn’t help it! I didn’t feel any one specific feeling, just overwhelmed with emotion in general. What made me cry the hardest was looking up and seeing Lucas crying while he held our child’s head. I’ve never felt more connected to Lucas than I did the few days before and after delivery. It was an intense experience and I’m so happy I had him to go through it with.
Both my mom and Lucas’ mom were in the waiting room so they came in once our room was cleaned up and got to see the little babe right away. We stayed in the hospital for the next 2 nights and our moms visited us during the day and brought us food. I got to order food from the hospital cafeteria but they don’t serve Jamba Juice so the moms brought it : )
I was overwhelmed with the love that came through text messages so I didn’t look at my phone until I left the hospital. I also didn’t really think about what recovery (especially the first few days) would look like so I was surprised I couldn’t just jump off my hospital bed whenever I needed to pee or walk around. It didn’t help that I was tethered to an IV of Pitocin for somewhere between 12-24 hrs post birth ( I honestly can’t remember).
Welcome to our family baby Tennyson!
A huge THANK YOU to our wonderful friend Christine for spending several hours with us at the hospital to take photos of the birth. Every time I look through these pictures I ugly cry just as bad as I did during the actual experience. I will cherish these photos and the memory they hold forever.